#033 - Hehehe

Unimportant post. Again. Haha.

I think I'm okay. That FNS day I'm okay. Probably with bad streaming image. But I have question the stream why it need to stop at the face some part...😓

Still sad when I look at the Arashi picture but it didn't Sting as before. I try to understand and control this feeling again.
I can say this feels is when I feel before I join the sleepover. No much excited to see Arashi after the sleepover.
Then when see them I feel something is wrong.
I hope I can be consistent with this feeling. For now if I'm happen to click on the picture, I'll think as I click on a bomb. Haha.

Ah. I remember this today someone I hate probably will be nice and help me in the future while someone i like and think as friend will hurt me. So it remaind me to not do much hating 😋 But still I'm a bad person. Hahaha

#031 - Happy Birthday Ohno Satoshi of Arashi.

Happy Birthday Ohno Satoshi.
Happy 39th Years Anniversary.
Why i feel that sentence weird. Hahaha.

Anyway, for anything that happen. I am really thankful for ohno who staying and discuss with members about his decision.
I know i have no reason to involves in their private life not did they care.

But with nino i feel very dissapointed.
Someone im fanning for 8 years? Someone I imagine that have a very good and nice side more than other member.
Who close to fans and understand fans will did like that????????. It just a year.
Dah prepare dah after 2020 lantak ko lah.
Not did i am being delusional. Scratch that I be delusional thinking him like that. But really the time. I dont want that in my FC!
First year FC and that. Huh. Rasa nak carut dah. xD But whenever I see him I feel sad and well... I can't look at him before. But I don't care seem work. So I just no need to be too soft anymore. Laki org kata kakak saya. 😖

Ah. Sorry ohno for my rant.
Anyway, i probably ranting again, but when i did that.
Please remember me about this.


This probably shut my mouth and remember my place. Hahaha
Thank you and Once again. Happy Birthday.

#030 - Dream

Arashi for Dream XD

Had 2 dream this morning.
As usual, it not clear anymore T_T

First nightmare, i forgot about the situation? xD
concert maybe with fans around.
My mind playing trick with ninomiya flirting with his wife. lol
It annoy me to death looking them. What it has to do with me???? XD
He showing everyone that he love his wife without thinking of anyone else.
I dont know how i end up with that dream.
woke up and i like wth????

Second, not continuation, but it include arashi.
Probably because check twitter and i saw this girl which i met in singapore is the same girl. probably.
Situation, Arashi meeting with fan in indonesia. lol.i kinda remember, there stage, infront of the stage there is a pond and then the place where fan seat.
it quite far away. And there this cafe? (i think it mixing with memory of me in Singapore xD) nearer the stage.
I met this girl, we kinda walk around. Then rain pouring and we sit beside jalan? (xingat ah bi dia xD)  and waiting for arashi.
We didnt expect but then there this group of people walking with white umbrella rain coat? and the first one is sho, i kinda peak and thought it is sho. since sho holding his umbrella,he just walking and ignore me xD
Then Jun, when he walk infront, i dont know there strong wing and broke his umbrella? He try to pick it up and saw me and somehow
he shake his head and im doing peace sign.lol. ridiculus xD He then walk, and i try to give him his umbrella but then he gone.xD
Imnot sure about the 3 people because i think after jun is ohmiya. Aiba? I dont know. Because after jun, it suddenly become fast which they run to get inside. I think fans also chasing them xD
I lost my friend. lol.

Then i went to the waiting area and sit. It feel so long. So i kinda want to see Arashi.
Later, i going back to where arashi dissapear and try to search for my friend. She probably there.
The first place, there this guard stopping people, when i try to enter, he ask me and i said i was looking for my friend.
Oh! my friend also keep my handphone? lol
*why suddenly before this happen. i remember we inside hotel or something? Waiting for Arashi.lol*
*probably before we wait at the jalan, we were waiting inside*
So i get to go, there this really small steps of stairs and the easy one. *weird i know*
The security ask me to walk with the easy one. I search for my friend and Arashi but no trace of them.
It kinda look like high class restaurant. Its wrong way.lol

So there this second place, look like a backdoor. I told someone there i was looking for my friend . They asking if she Arashi fan and i said yes. They said she probably there and encourage me to go. They also told Arashi is still inside. Im happy because my plan works. xD. The door is near, but im still hesitating. When i was walking, there this place near the door, it kinda red cross place? Suddenly there wheelchair with patient push by another person, i kinda give them space to park. Then i go back to the door. It very near. Bery very near, suddenly my alarm ring.

What you feel?  I had headache till Now.
my luck meeting Arashi   T__T

But Yappari Jun is Always being nice to me.
Hero of my dream xD

The end

#029 - Ya ~ hoo~ Mylife - Arashi In Singapore - 10 November 2019 -

Im going to take a break Right?
But i'm still here. Hahaha.
I took decision to just edit and post everything in my mind.
Will be much hassle to redo another post.
Here it is a Air Batu campur of my feeling and My first trip to singapore!!!

That night, before going to meet with other arashian, i already feel bad. Not win the lottery and im worry that im alone!
Like before im okay with this but my lack of self confident become worst. I dont know why.
Everything twirling inside. When my sister drop me, we had argument- it my fault for using that word. I feel bad.
I can act like nothing happen but my inside just duh.

After meet up with other arashian i feel a bit okay. Lost in own country looking for a bus is cute. Hahaha.
We went and i still feel guilty and worry that i dont see them. Haha.

That morning is disaster, i dont planning on not taking a bath. Hahaha.
With previous mood, i like whatever happen will happen.
Bring too much bag. Everything feel not right.
Nervous? I think it just stupid.

Good that manage to keep the bag inside the bus.
When come back there lot of people already.
So went to sarah side. All this time i dont use internet.
How low function of my brain is when i didnt even remember we at the airport and have wifi??? -_-
If at least i have that, ill be walking around and probably have the courage to explore myself.
Point number one is probably im scared i will get lost.

I forgot to mention. After long hours of queuing, how can people just making another queue and push like they going to eat by tiger?
There also people open the fence to enter? Im not blaming the fans. Its organizer.
I cant belief Arashi compliment them with the security.
The security is bad. They put us inside the cage xD
And being angry at us all the time.

Everything running fast, Arashi come and my short leg didnt allow me to see them.
My leg hurt for standing in fence. At the end i feel not that accomplish.
My brain told me i shouldnt come. Dam Ah.

Oh, sampai kl sentral. It my first time walking around ramai2 at 330 am? xD
I love that kind of adventure and waiting for the train to start it service at 6am also my first time.
Thank you for whoever accompany me that time.

About the newspaper, that morning while walking for my uni shuttle-
i suddenly stop a moment and look at this chinese newspaper , it by reflect and a glance.
I dont understand. Everytime i walk i know there seller, but that never happen to me.
I didnt buy though. Because why would i?? xD
Later on, there news about Arashi in chinese paper.
I relate and feel scared. Is it even possible ? The connection. Hahaha. Cursess...


It already 3 week since then right? Time running fast.
So today is the day Arashi post on YT about Arashi Jet.
I am stress and feel down. I know i should let it go and be happy.
Im okay for a moment and then im feel sad again. Hate myself for that.
So because of that, here my edit come from. To release all the pain.

Anyway, after thinking carefully the reason is because i feel angry and stress.
That morning when we arrived, i already scan the probability and the path, the chair the mc place.
Already told myself that they going to walk around that. But we doesnt know right. that moment.
The usual me from 3 years before when i am working, ill probably do whatever i want without thinking of anyone.
But i am become stupid and not having self confident when i am continue my studies.
Probably because i dont have wifi like i said before, Im just scared if i lost. Haha
Still, because of the view i choose that side and forgot that im short. I try to believe in my self for that judgement, but im wrong.
For number of times, even i feel there still time to get out, myself just lost hope and do nothing at the moment.
Thinking they will come soon. Then i feel sad and angry. Hahaha. Stupid.

I feel dont have a feeling to engange to anything.
I usually a person who will take a tons of  picture before.
But here i have some and a toilet picture. xD
Honestly i feel it such a waste trip. Not because of the trip but because of myself.

However, it good to meet my fellow Arashian. How i miss them.
But by times, everything will not be the same right.
I probably cant enjoy them like before, but i cant leave them.
Its a curse from Arashi. Hahaha.
But blessed with a good Arashian it feel like i have also something to hold.
Im happy when they still remember me. The trip aside to meet arashi, i love to meet arashian.

Btw, i love the atmosphere. It nice with all the green three!


At the end, i think if want something i should be hard on myself and other.
Being soft is stupid. Maybe here in my uni, everyone is nice to me, that why i become stupid. -_-

I know i shouldnt say this, but if i afford going to thai, probably i can see my dear friend and i have better view of Arashi.
I dont believe in my luck, but i will keep praying.

Neverthelesssss, even im a bit genius, i being hard on myself or others. I will still complain and being sad.
That because i know i will become like that at the end.

I probably edit this post when i feel sad, anger and depressed. XD
For no i feel better. Fuh!
This is old post xD

Dapat jugaklah tengok. Penipuan itu semua bila kata diorang smoll.
Tengok macam artist sangat. Hahaha.
First impression they all sparkling. My eyes only stay at Jun and Sho.
Because it hard to focus when i need to step on fence for seconds and duduk bawah.
Then diorang yang paling dekat. Dengan jarak mata saya yang semakin kabur.
So bolehlah. Aiba tak nampak sangat pulak. huhuhu.
Sakit sampai harini ini kaki kanan saya. Tapi okaylah dapat jugak tengok sbb ade fence tu.

Tumpang sekaki picture ni. Tunggu punya lama.
Nak behave, tapi semua rasa not right dari awal lagi.
Huhuhu. (c) To friend for taking this picture.


So here the only photos i can see my tudung.
Smoll but well. Whatever. XD

(c) Arashi Twitter :b

Ok the close up of me. At least ade la kan.

Sedey R xD
For someone that make me happy, ill be happy for them.
For someone that me plus others depressed and sad , ill never be happy for them.
That will also come with curse and not so good word from me.
It as simple as that.

#026 - What a weeks.

I am going to post about

- Sleepover
- Jetstorm
- Married

In one quick post.

It been a while since i am joining Arashi fans sleppover.
we watch the announcement together and getting excited for the Jetstorm.

When i arrive home, i told my mom i want to go to Thailand and meet Arashi. In devastation atmosphere.
My mom didn't event say don't go like she usually did. Me without any proper preparation, just saying.
Me also dont know if i ever go because i am on tight budget. Then i told her about rombongan cik kiah to Singapore. She didnt object either. Then when im going to my university, she told me, if i go tell her.
This is first time she giving me green light without saying something like-why you wanna go? Not like you will see them.-something discourage word. So i took that as yes, and Alhamdulillah i went. Even i did not standing at the front, or at the winner line, i still catch glimpse of them. They sparkling. Hahaha.

So, after seeing arashi, i feel something not right. I took it as i didnt see them close enough. I had hard time on monday and tuesday. Then the rumors came, and i know it true. So here with nino is married. Like i told before, i wont congratulate him. Its his life. But i probably say it for other members. that all. My feeling go back to normal. I dont understand this feeling of something going to happen. Ha~~

Ill making other post for the details. If im not lazy.

For now, im going to take a break and focus on my study. I got project to be done. Lecturer see me as troublesome kid and i dont think my carry mark for final that good. Ill be back using only Lj /dreamwidth for an update. Insta will be for watching arashi and twitter...hurm..i kinda feel it annoying there. Oh. i need to find money to cover up the money i used. hahaha

Let see if i achieve that. huhuhu.
wish me all the best.

#025 - Happy 20Th Anniversary Arashi

Rant post.
are you there sha? XD

First of all, happy birthday Arashi. Happy single debut day. 03.11.2019. CONGRATULATIONS on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, tiktok and weibo official account.
I won't be part of all it I guess. As much as I'll try, that will be as much as I'll be heartbroken. Why? Not participating on Instagram live for 1St time already leave me dark spot. Hahaha. You can't get everything you want. Right? The reality hurt.

But yesterday is a very great day watching 1St concert when I enter the fandom like the 1St time I'm joining the gatering, bring back all the emotion. Then 5x20 just beautiful. Also, the R rated sense of love. I won't forget about that.

Oh. By Arashi going open? I just realize that there lot of people loving them. It good right?

#0?? - My Head

I hope the new headphones will not giving me much problem. Arrives safely in a great conditions . I'm so done if it give me headache like the one I used. I bought before even it China made, sound good and doesn't give me headache. I'm scared that now my head had problem. Haha.

Anyways, the last day to do ballot for Arashi 5x20 special video footage at Tokyo dome end today. I wanna try again but I've been prevent to do so. Probably because I done something stupid before.

Ha. I wish and hope and pray. I able to go to their concert one time in my fan life. At least. But see the blur future, I don't know. I will keep on praying and crying.

Until that, let me keep on ranting and satisfy my self with the wonderful of Arashi like the time I'm still not carried away by being all deludelu and hope.

#024 - The Mail

They send a mail saying they will consider what will happen to the FC.
I just cant. I hope they made a wise decision.
For me to follow one by one is impossible.
I just can be happy for the certain people.
But i hope they freeze it and not closed it.
I dont know about how they manage this for other group, other company,
but i really dont want they close the FC.
Looking back at time, they seem been talking about this not today or a week, but
months? Years?
It all the management decision. Or Arashi did include? i dont know.
This make me more sad than their hiatus annoucement?
Please, ive gone through hardship and now this. Life is funny. Haha.
But it sad.
They already saying it will end in 2020 and the payment for the fanclub is based on the remaining months.
Well decision is still a decision.
Please dont crush my hope Arashi and management.
If you are truely a Miracle Group in my life,
please announce something that i am okay with.
Or i should just stop here.
There nothing left for me.

And only arashi can do this. A happiness of going on Youtube and other platform ,
then a sad news that can break a heart.

#023 - Congratulation ARASHI

Congratulation on being on YouTube and Spotify!
I dont take much info on spotify or any other place, probably amazon?
But Youtube is a good platform for me :)
Im glad. After 9 Years. .
This is a happy news at the same time weird feeling that i need to accept the change.
Im glad the company take this path.

Copy from Twitter
This! I should watch this MV as my first Arashi PV but I listen the song through a music show in Youtube, Upload by a Fans. How nostalgic! Talking about first, my first official PV is One love and My first official download was Troublemaker. When will they upload them .

Im doomes. Probably will support them forever.

#21 - Happy Arashi 19th Anniversary!

Just when i have negative point.
This come.
I wonder why not in Japanese.
I know from before, but wondering.

Still Happy 19th Anniversary Arashi.
1 year , some months and days.

I want to keep calm and do my work.

I know i cant chase them now. They getting farther away. :')